Lately I have done a fair bit of freeway driving for one reason or another and I gotta say that I'm starting to get well pissed off with some particular driver types. You've all met them from time to time and I've certainly had the pleasure recently, lets see, first up there's the...
OMG my kitchen is on fire:
Well it friggen well had better be, why else do you feel you have the right to duck and weave through each lane of traffic doing 90 kph whilst we obey the 60 kph limit amongst the goddamn road works. God knows we should all move out of your sorry arsed way and let you charge through the road cones, excuse us for existing. Then there's the..
How did my front bumper get stuck to your rear bumper:
This would explain why you are sitting so far up my arse that I can't even see your licence plate. But what could go wrong, I mean if I have to brake suddenly because the kitchen fire dude has just cut me off you'll be able to see my brake lights......won't you, oh shit no you wont cos you can't see them, I mean how could you, your friggen bumper is interlocked with mine, how thoughtless of me. Then there's one of my personal favs, the .......
I read in the paper once that you should drive with your headlights on during the day. SO I WILL!!
Now I do a fair bit of driving in remote areas of the north west and it's policy up there to always drive with your lights on, vast open spaces, long roads, a lot of bush, it's a good safe way to drive. Even down here in the big smoke it can be useful too, especially on rainy cloudy days. But on a day like today when there's not a cloud in the sky do you really think it's necessary to drive around with your fucking lights on HIGH BEAM at 11.30 fucking am.
Thankyou that is all carry on!
Late Edit: another type encountered this very evening!
If I let you pass me my penis will appear small to others.
If you are doing 90 kph in the middle lane and I decide that I don't want to inhale your poxy exhaust fumes any longer, then there is a very large possibility that I will move into the outside lane and pass you. Please be aware that this is not a challenge to your manhood. You do not have to match my speed as I pull alongside you, you see if you do this I have to speed up to get passed you and then before you know it (as you're still matching my speed) we are both doing 120 kph. That's not very safe is it. So how about you switch the radio to an easy listening station, sit back in your Toyota landcruiser and relax, instead of trying to show me who has the biggest penis on the freeway!
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