I used to drive a taxi/cab. Why? I often ask myself that, it was a shitty job, but it got me through 2 years of university, so it served a purpose. I was telling a few stories from those days to a friend recently and it got me thinking that I should write these stories down before I forget them.

Sponsor That Then

I wanted to pull over, I usually do in this situation, but it's raining cats and dogs outside and we're on the freeway and we're nearly there.

"It's okay I'm holding his head out the window" she barks.

I think to myself "yeah that's great princess, but I'm sure the wind and rain is blowing chunks of it back onto the rear seat. I'll have to clean this one up"

"He's usually very good and never does this sort of thing" she apologises.

She obviously stays home whilst he goes out on Saturday nights. I doubt it's a once off, he looks like a regular drinker and thus a regular spewer in taxis on the way home. Ah well at least she's doing her best. If I stop he'll just fall out of the car, get wet and dirty and make the cab messier. At least this way it's going outside. I don't like my chances of getting a cleaning fee out of em either.

We finally pull up to their house. "Last fare for me" I mutter, besides I'm playing in the reserves tomorrow so I've got an early kick off. Need some sleep, very important stuff is 1st division reserves :o) Hey I love my soccer.

Love it more than I do drunks who upchuck after a skinfull.

She opens his door, he staggers out and falls flat on his face on their front lawn. I was right about him getting wet and dirty then.

She pays, I kind of feel sorry for her. I watch as she manages to coax him into the house. Might as well check that the backseat is spew free before I head off. Yep, all clear. Can't say the same for the rear panel of the cab. It used to be white, now it's kind of yellow/orange streaks. You bastard.

It was about then that I glanced down their driveway and saw the van. The van has the same name and logo on it that we wear on our shirts, onto the pitch every Sunday. This guy works for our main sponsor - :blank: Yamaha. Oh I'm gonna have some fun with this.

Come Sunday I mention the incident to our club president who quickly works out from the address, that it wasn't an employee of our sponsor but it was in fact the sponsor himself. Oh this just gets better, I tell the prez to tell him, he owes me a carton of beer for making him clean up his spew. He does and he agrees and yet 5 years later I still haven't seen any beer. Well at least we didn't have to play our games in the nude. That's worth a spew I guess.

You can read the other stories in the series so far by clicking the taxi label below