LITTLE CLOUDS

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I have to thank Gaz for pointing me in the direction of this review.

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In the 18 and a bit years that I sweated my butt off in kitchens, both here in Perth and the UK, I don't recall ever reading a restaurant review as bad as the one published in the West Australian yesterday. Over the course of my career I had my share of reviews, some not so fantastic but thankfully they were the minority, usually they were good to very good, even excellent. But there is a chef here in Perth right now who must be scratching his head, wondering where it all went wrong.

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Click the pic below (then click all sizes, then click original), have a read then come back here....

Over the years I've been openly (amongst colleagues and friends) critical of the level of reviewing done on restaurants in Perth. Many times the review is nothing more than an advertisement, the publication will approach you and ask you to advertise on the same page as the review. All of which renders the review as useless. This obviously wasn't the case here.

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The most outstanding comment within this review has to be the chefs response to a request to heat the squid dish to above lukewarm....

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"The chef is defending his right not to serve his food hot"

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HUH?

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My god, I know what the rents are like for a space in the Peppermint Grove shopping complex, I enquired years ago when I was looking to open my own place. How can a "chef" have this attitude and expect to survive (god knows how he will survive after this review - I hope mummy needs a tax right off this year cos she's about to get one).

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One of the common things people ask me when they hear I used to be a chef is....

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"So did you used to get really pissed off if someone sent their food back to be cooked more?"

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this is usually accompanied with a chuckle and an expectation that I would answer....

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"Yeah! I used to go ballistic and throw their meal on the floor before I sent it back to them with the imprint of the nearest apprentices face in their mashed potato".

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They're usually a bit taken back when I say....

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"Um no, they're paying, I wasn't that precious that I would get offended that some smuck wanted his steak burnt to a texture akin to the bottom of my boot"

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That very same smuck is paying my bills. I probably muttered "philistine" under my breath but if that's what they wanted then that's what they got, the same deal when customers asked for a prawn cocktail for starters, sure, it's extremely naff but if you're prepared to pay $18 for a few prawns smothered in tomato and tabasco mayo then what the hey, eat up my uncultured friend, eat up.

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A restaurant is a business, it's not somewhere for a chef to hang his ego out front of house like some sort of trophy, do that at your own peril. The same goes with fads in food, foams? Molecular cooking? Yeah sure, maybe, let me know how that's going for you in a years time. I did my training during the Nouvelle Cuisine years of the late 80's - tiny portions on huge plates with equally huge price tags - people put up with it for a year or so because they thought it made them sophisticated, it didn't really, all it made them was hungry and grabbing a pizza on the way home from the restaurant.

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Good luck with this restaurant dude, you're gonna need it.

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