KITCHEN TALES # 5

Angry young chefs

This one is more of a denial than an outright actuality, although I'm kind of contradicting myself with the example. Eh read on and it will make sense

One of the most common things I hear from friends, diners, just people really; is that when dining at a restaurant and you send a meal back to a kitchen because you are unhappy with it the chef is

a) gonna chuck a major tantrum

b) throw your next meal on the floor before he plates it and sends it out.

On the floor? I'm always at a loss as to where people get this image from, sure chefs can throw tantrums and be massive prima donnas but to go so far as to be so angry at your complaint that he/she would throw your food on the floor.........that's seriously far fetched. It just doesn't come into the frame. Well I can only state that I have never done it, never has any chef who worked with or under me done it and I have never seen it done. Except.........

And here comes the contradiction.

When I first started my apprenticeship I did a 3 month disastrous run at a now demolished hotel and function center called the Booragoon Hotel. Man that was a shit place to work, the head chef was a manipulative arsehole, Dutch and simply a turd of a human. The boss of the hotel was no better. I can't remember his name, he was a Slovak so let's just call him Knub.

Well Knub was an extremely unpleasant, angry, volatile and short tempered tank of a man. Knub used to live in the hotel; I once cooked him a mushroom omelete for breakfast unaware that he hated mushrooms. He stormed downstairs from his room into the kitchen and threw the omelette on the floor screaming at me to "Make another omelette without fucking mushrooms". Man wasn't he a sight in his little shorty short pj's hahaaa.

So you get the picture, he was a man beloved by all of his staff - NOT - but you simply put up with it, hoping the head chef would shelter his team from most of the abuse, well he would if he too wasn't as big a jerk.

Thus one day Knub ventured into the kitchen after an extremely busy and hard dinner service. The head chef had raced off home at the earliest opportunity, as was the norm, leaving only myself the kitchen hands and the two senior apprentices on deck. We were cleaning up or down as we called it and Knub calmly announces that he has 3 mates in for dinner and they would all be having steak.

Awesome news, especially as we had already cleaned down the grills and put away everything needed, basically we were minutes from leaving, almost home. One of the senior apprentices mentioned this to Knub who replied with a "I don't give a fuck make me steak"

This was his big mistake, you see these senior apprentices had been putting up with Knubs' crap for 4 years now and they where at breaking point, I was simply terrified of the guy so I didn't make a sound. But Knub had pushed these guys too far, as soon as he left the kitchen they got him his steak alright, but first they played kitchen floor hockey with it. Now this is a floor that has just been through a massive service, it wasn't pretty. I was wide eyed stunned, but inside I was very very happy.

"Oi newbie, don't you say a thing about this okay?"

"Um sure I didn't see anything"

After a few minutes of skidding the steak across the floor with their boots they picked it up and placed it on the re heated grill, cooked it the way he wanted, took it off the grill, slid it across the floor one more time and then smothered it in pepper sauce as ordered. Sauce can hide so many things can't it? It was then served to Knub and as far as I know devoured by him.

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So as I stated earlier, I have never seen a customers food thrown on the floor EVER. Mini Napoleon tyrant hotel managers is a different story and if you are still unconvinced that your food doesn't dance the foot fandango on the kitchen floor, then I suggest you never order sauce on your steak.
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