I don't write a lot of heavy introspective stuff on here but this may be a time. I'm right now, sitting here, writing this with the knowledge of some change very soon in my life and I'm not really dealing with it very well, oh did I mention I'm writing this because it will be cathartic? That's a sign that you should stop reading now and click the "next blog" button ^up there cos this will no doubt be a waste of the next few minutes of your life........seriously click that button.
It's not even a massive bit of change but it's still change enough to cause me to get all worked up. I seem to have a history of avoiding change in my life. I kinda like patterns, solid patterning. It's not like I regiment myself daily or anything like that, ha, I wish, far from it. It's just the core stuff that I like to have set in the solid. The base stuff, not the day to day stuff, I'm cool to roll with the whatever but mess with my bases and you best be well defended. When that stuff gets fucked with I start to get like this.
I'd like to think it's just a thing I do as I get older but it really isn't. I can think back to so many instances, back to age 13 even, where I've not handled core change at all. It's caused me more hassles than it's worth and yet I still repeat it. I guess I just need stability/security in my life to function well as a human. It annoys me that I react, it annoys me that my reactions rub onto those within the radius at the time. I really gotta start to deal with this better, start to accept that my rock solid shit aint always all that solid.
Meh, who am I kidding, I'll just roll with it, kicking and screaming, then pop out the other side, stand up, dust myself off and get on with it. Get on with building the next base. Stand back, bystanders are in imminent danger.
Yes, very cathartic and a whole lot cheaper than a $180.00 p/hr therapy session. But did I really resolve it...........?
Deep.
It's not even a massive bit of change but it's still change enough to cause me to get all worked up. I seem to have a history of avoiding change in my life. I kinda like patterns, solid patterning. It's not like I regiment myself daily or anything like that, ha, I wish, far from it. It's just the core stuff that I like to have set in the solid. The base stuff, not the day to day stuff, I'm cool to roll with the whatever but mess with my bases and you best be well defended. When that stuff gets fucked with I start to get like this.
I'd like to think it's just a thing I do as I get older but it really isn't. I can think back to so many instances, back to age 13 even, where I've not handled core change at all. It's caused me more hassles than it's worth and yet I still repeat it. I guess I just need stability/security in my life to function well as a human. It annoys me that I react, it annoys me that my reactions rub onto those within the radius at the time. I really gotta start to deal with this better, start to accept that my rock solid shit aint always all that solid.
Meh, who am I kidding, I'll just roll with it, kicking and screaming, then pop out the other side, stand up, dust myself off and get on with it. Get on with building the next base. Stand back, bystanders are in imminent danger.
Yes, very cathartic and a whole lot cheaper than a $180.00 p/hr therapy session. But did I really resolve it...........?
Deep.
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