Still in downtown Paraburdoo, where very little happens on a Sunday. There was of course some excitement this morning with the ANZAC day service. I had intended to go to that service but circumstances put paid to that, allow me to explain....

I've been to Paraburdoo many many times, my first ever work as an archaeologist was done from here. I know this town better than I know any other small mining town in the north west. and I most certainly know where to eat and where not to eat. That I know and mention this will become more relevant as you read on. Years ago when I first worked out of here I knew there simply wasn't anywhere you could really go to eat a good meal in this town. The main dining venue is at a place called the Rocklea Palms, it used to be run by a company called P&O Catering and so we nicknamed this dining room from hell Poons. You would NOT have eaten there if you had a choice, we never had a choice

I can still see clearly in my mind the moment where I was on my knees way out in the bush throwing up mid archaeological survey behind a tree. This happening had nothing to do with the stifling heat and everything to do with the food served at Poons. The moment I walked up to my first bain-marie meal at Poons and noticed the luke warm fish fillets and the lamb curry made from last nights leftover lamb chops I knew that Poons and I would be embarking on a long drawn out and vicious war. I am yet to defeat Poons, it remains my nemesis.

So imagine my surprise when I returned to Paraburdoo after an absence of five years to find that Poons had been refurbished, all of the hideous decor had been removed, a new kitchen put in and the bain-marie area tripled in size. Sure the dining area has the atmosphere of a public toilet, a clean toilet though and as a result just so very sterile. I suddenly had high hopes for the food, surely with this overhaul they will have improved the food? Yes? Well kind of, it's a heap better than it ever was but it's still nothing to write home about. I'll give it this though, I do not expect to be kneeling behind any trees anytime soon as a direct result of the overhaul, this is a good thing.

Naturally I now figured this would be a good trip, no gastro, no food poisoning, not this time, not for me, how wrong I would be....I had failed to factor in some outside influences, namely my assistant archaeologists. You see they had never experienced the Poons of old, they never knew of the mysterious blue dessert that came out night after night, a desert who's blueness we simply could not comprehend nor interpret. What could be used to make something THAT blue, even googling the words radioactive blue failed to give us an answer on that one. It would remain a s much a mystery as it does today. But I digress, these assistants naturally took a disliking to even today's version of Poons and insisted that we try somewhere else for dinner, seeing as the other options consisted entirely of the Paraburdoo pub counter meal and nothing else I was pretty much against the idea at the beginning....
"It's not any better, in fact it's worse"

"But you haven't tried it in years, it may have changed just like Poons"
Damn their ignorant logic, so to the Lounge Bar it was, five of us, like lambs to the slaughter. We ordered our meals and began the wait. An hour long wait as it turned out and sadly not one that ended with a "Well that was worth the wait" comment. Whilst we were waiting a local gentlemen who clearly enjoys a couple of drinks each evening approached one of the girls on our table and the following conversation unfolded....
"Um shhcuse me, aren't you that doctor that used to work here?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Aren't you that doctor? The doctor that used to work here? The doctor who tried to cut my throat?!"

"Err no that's not me"

"Ahhhhhh, well ya jish gotta aschhk?" "How bout a game of pooool then?"

"Yeah maybe later"
Where the hell are our meals? Finally they arrive and....well the less said about them the better. I'll just make special note of the vegetarian lasagna that Adam ordered. Now don't get me wrong we fully expected to get a crappy meal, we even joked that they were right now crowbarring a serve of lasagna out of the deep freezer to give to Adam. I now know that you shouldn't joke about these things. I present you with Adams' vegetarian lasagna....

I apologise if you were eating as you read that, but even if that made you feel sick you're not feeling anywhere near as sick as I do right now. You see, as a result of us eating this food (oh let me explain that Adam did NOT eat that lasagna) I have been awake since 5am this morning with a dose of gastro. I am confined to the beige room (see below) for the day. I may have managed a ceasefire with Poons but in the process I acquired a new enemy in the form of the Paraburdoo Inn, now to be known as the PooDoo. My assistants will pay for this.


hello said…
Wow. I have no words. I feel sad for those frozen vegies. They could have died and gone to a better kitchen :P
Stu said…
One of the many crimes commited in that kitchen :/
By day he's a mild mannered archaeologist, by night he's a throat slicing doctor. In between he's spewing his ring out.
Stu said…
Hahaha I'm watching a doco on Hunter s Thompson right now and that description could easily come from one if his books