Okay after last nights awesome movie live blog I'm bringing you tonight's serving of the second film in the series. The Wrath of Khan, actually a great film so I will feel bad taking the piss out of it but stay tuned....
- Credits rolling
- oh great everyones wearing red, this is gonna be very confusing right from the start.
- it seems a ship is in distress, oh look a thin Kirsty Alley, such sexy eyes.........mmmmmm, sorry back now.
- ahhh shit the klingons are attacking, Kirsty is a crap captain, red shirts are dying everywhere. Spock is DOWN I repeat Spock is DOWN
- hang on it was just a simulated attack, phew!
- Kirk's wearing flares tucked into boots, WTF? who chooses his clothes
- Kirks' birthday, only guys celebrating it with him, where are the ladies Jim? Bones has brought Romulan ale, he appears to be wearing a cod piece, what kind of party is this?
- Bones slumped in chair with legs spread, seems only to want to argue with Kirk....Kirk stares into space
- Chekov's at it again "Vee peeeked up a minuurrrr life reeeeding on zeee last scheeaaan" "What did he say?" "Vee peeeked up a minuurrrr life reeeeding on zeee last scheeaaan"....right!
- ooh goodie an away team already, Chekov and a dude in a red shirt hehehe we know whats gonna happen to him don't we.
- Red shirt guy looking at something odd...."What the hell is that"
- Chekov's goin nuts "Veeee have to geeetttt out of heeeeer now hurreeeee hureeeee"
- Hello KHAN!!!!!!!!!
- Khan's ship was called the Botany Bay...erm okay, Khan sounds a widdle bit pissed off
- Chekov " Capteeen Kirk vas yoor host and you repayed his hospiwality.." hospiwality? Look out ear bug has just arrived
- Bug goes in...ewwww and I'll just note that Khan appears to be wearing the worst fake chest I've ever seen until the cast of 300 turned up. Oh and red shirt dude is obviously doomed via the ear bug. Chekov hopefully only loses his voice.
- Why is Bones now in the engineering dept and why is he always following Kirk around,, can he not stay out of every shot. Is nobody ever sick on this ship, then why do they need a doctor.
- Enterprise leaving dock, now ya see this is what happens when you watch movies of a series back to back, you notice when they use the same piece of footage in both films. So bloody obvious too hahaha
- Kirk "Spock....we....have....a....problem" seems once again the Enterprise is the only ship in the quadrant, time to round up all of the old, nearing retirement, crew and go save Genesis.
- Khan really holds a grudge huh?
- Ooh Dr Carol Marcus, Kirk has definately been there some time in the past, look at how his eyes cloud over as he looks at her. He was such a stud, now it's a man corset and crappy toupee
- Kirk explains Genesis to Bones and Spock, naturally Bones is outraged, Spock raises an eyebrow. Here comes Khan!!!
- ooh Yellow alert
- Enterprise is HIT, Scotty's stressed, Kirks confused, Spocks raised two eyebrows
- Khan!!!!
- Kirk has a cunning and devious plan, Khan is shitting himself, Enterprise fires, Khan's screwed. Khan flees. Scotty just turned up on the deck with a dead guy.......erm why? Oh I see he's a red shirt. Red shirts now dropping like flies. Scotty's crying, Kirks got blood on his uniform, Bones finally has some patients. Spock raised someone elses eyebrows
- Another away team, Oh FFS why is Bones going on the away team, he's got a surgery full of patients. Dude simply has to be in every scene. No no no Kirsty you can't go on the away team, you're new ahhh shit not Kirsty....and she's wearing red jeeeez! Now Checkov's crying, probably still has bug in his ear Chekov....speaking....slowly...at least I can understand him now.
- Kirks now chasing Dr Carol, surely there isn't time for THAT Jim, ooh knife fight, Kirk wins. Hellooooo Carol :)
- Ewww bug just came out of Chekovs obviously fake ear, Kirk killed it with a phasor, bit of an overkill if you ask me, what's wrong with the old boot kill Jim. Khan is frigging furious. He just nicked Genesis though.
- KHAAAAAAAAN!!! KHAAAAAAAAN!!!
- Aaaah the disgruntled blonde scientist son of Dr Marcus is in fact Kirks son "He's a lot like you...in many ways" aren't they always
- Carol flops out her Genesis and show's everyone, Kirk is impressed, Bones suddenly likes Genesis, Kirsty unzips her jacket to show more of her red shirt...poor Kirsty, it wont be long now.
- Back to the Enterprise everyone, you've beaten them this time Kirsty, well done. To the final showdown, stand back Khan cos here comes the Star Trek crew and they're kickin it old school style
- Spock: "Estimating Nebula penetration in nought minus 2 minutes" hehehe Spock said penetration.
- Khan takes the bait, he's doomed
- loooooong drawn out Nebula phase, boring, fortunately interupted with sparodic phaser shooting and aft torpedoe firing. Khan's ship is hit, he's screwed. Meanwhile Scotty cops a dose of radiation. Chekov's back on deck, those Ruskies really do heal fast, more boring Nebula stuff
- Khan's chest is melting, sets Genesis to explode, time to get the frack out of there, oops sorry wrong sci fi series
- Spock to the rescue, Bones complaining again, oh someone please shut him up, Spock gives Bones the Vulcan neck pinch, about god damn time. Spock exposing himself to massive dose of radiation, is this the end for Spock (didn't I say that last night?)
- Luckily Spock is wearing thick gloves, his hands at least may survive. Warp speed back on line zoooooooooooooooooooooooooom. genesis explodes ""My....god....Carol....look....at it"
- Death update: Khan is dead, Spock is dying, Kirsty miraculously surviving. "SPOCK" he doesn't look too well.
- Nope, hands look as bad as the rest of him. Kirk does a lousy Vulcan hand sign, obviously he can't seperate his middle and ring fingers. Spock is dead. :sad face:
- Scotty has quickly recovered from radiation dose and is now able to use his lungs to play the bagpipes. Amazing recovery speeds in the 23rd century. Spocks body sent into spaaaaaaaaaaace
- Kirk meets his son, hugs his son, makes a captains log, stares into space...again...Bones gets all philosophical, now everyones staring out into space, all remaining regulars on bridge for final shot again. Kirk feels young
- Cue scenes of new genesis created planet
- Cue dramatic music
- Cue shot of Spocks coffin/pod
- Space the final frontier, these are the continuing voyages of the starship blah blah blah boldly go where no man has gone before (sorry my typing couldn't keep pace with the dialogue but you know how it goes)
- THE END
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