Recently whilst moving house I was packing up my shelves of books and I rediscovered an old book I'd found at a garage sale years ago. It's called On Becoming a Man....
Chapters 3, 4 and mostly 5
Chapter 3 and 4 are titled Evidence of Manhood and Secrets about Girls respectively. Not a whole lot of interesting stuff in either of those sections, The Evidence of manhood dealt mostly with recognising your erection, pretty sure that's not been a problem for most guys. It did pop out this gem though....
Yep, good old wet dreams, that's were the action is.
Chapter 4 dealt mostly with women developing their sexual organs in order to become mothers and housewives. A drawn out description of the menstrual cycle (which I would post if it was remotely funny, it wasn't, very scientific like) and a bit on how boys shouldn't annoy girls if they don't want to join in on physical activities, they may be menstruating you see. Or just sick of watching the boys play sport.
Then we reach Chapter 5: So You Will Understand. Which is a chapter solely devoted to the tyranny of masturbation. It's a goodun too. Basically if you succumb to this habit you will become dumb and lethargic and get sick a lot....
Do not let the unnatural production of ejaculation sap you of your vital force "Vital Force" shout that like a Power Ranger!
Yep, confirmed, wet dreams is all you got for now
There it is, right there, the tyranny of masturbation. That habit forming devourer of natural energy.
and it will simply turn you stupid, keep it up and there's no way you'll remember your 10 times table
So that guy you know, the one who always has a cold and a runny nose, yep, he's a chronic masturbator. The proofs right there.
Oh okay I get it, the moral to this story is simple, don't hang out with wankers.
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Mr Walker*