It's been a while since I reviewed an eating house, so I figured hey, why not the dry mess at the mining camp. I'm not quite sure if this one will make it on to urbanspoon.com anytime soon though.

This evening my two work associates and I decided to tickle our taste buds at the local mine site wet mess. A risky choice as one of my dining companions is a vegetarian, but we had been assured that there were vegetarian options. Ravenous after a long day excavating rock shelters in the Pilbara we hurried to the entrance. We were a little taken back by some of the clientele who were exiting as we approached, mostly by their colourful language...

"yaaaaahhhhhh you gettin a drink poof?"

"fuckin yeah ya c###"

I have always lived with the strong belief that a visitor to a foreign land should not too quickly judge a foreign culture by first impressions, but even holding these liberal views we were, to a man, quite shocked at this display of manly affection. None the less we pressed on, two large glass paned doors teased us with glimpses of shiny stainless steel bain-maries, "what delectable culinary delights could they hold?" We were soon to know

I wandered towards the meat section were there was a display of deep fried crumbed fish.....? Oh and some type of meat in the form of a chop. I glanced towards the vegetable selection and saw a sign that said lyonnaise potatoes, my eyes widened "mmmm a french classic, how devine" They had even listed the ingredients for me on a small card above the dish "this dish contains potatoes, onion and MSG" <- wait whaaaaaat?

Moving down the line I selected the green broccoli, you could find it when you dug deep through the silvery brown broccoli. I wasn't until now aware of this other variety of broccoli. Next there was a tray of slow roasted pumpkin pieces, I couldn't pass that up. I did pause for a moment in front of the Hungarian Goulash, wondering what it was that made what appeared to be a tray of minced beef with kidney beans Hungarian. I decided not to try and find out. I rounded out my meal with some Hoikien noodles, a lot shorter than I recall but perhaps these one inch long noodles were now all the rage and who am I to decided what is and what isn't cool with the kids these days eh?

We headed to our table, decorated in a simplistic style with a plastic coated table cloth covered in words like - latte, cafe, chocolate and cappuccino. Interesting to say the least. I looked across to my vegetarian dining partner and noticed his sad expression, I then saw the contents of his plate and realised the cause of his anguish, 3 tomato wedges, some passed its prime baby spinach leaves, a few slices of raw capsicum and a bread roll. No meat there, no siree, a complete vegetarian meal for anyone who has forsaken flesh. Hmmmm

I decided to start with the "meat chop", unfortunately due to a distinct lack of butchers cleavers in the cutlery section I am unable to give you my thoughts on that particular item. I can say however that it appeared to be "well cooked" sadly my broccoli, whilst extremely green, was also extremely cold and that too was only nibbled on, it did seem vegetably. I was determined to eat something so I focused on my slow roasted pumpkin pieces, sadly it seems they were slow roasted by virtue of the chef failing to actually turn the oven on. Raw pumpkin is probably a better description. Never fear, at least I had the noodles right? Those trendy one inch noodles were sure to delight. I have since been informed that if you boil a noodle for double the recommended cooking time the result is instant one inch noodles. You can even make them smaller by simply touching them with your fork. The things I've learnt this evening ....!

I have always said that the best way to have a diner remember your establishment is to send them on their way with a delicious dessert to round out the experience. I had spied a chocolate and raspberry pudding on the quaint blackboard menu as we entered earlier. it appeared to be in the hot bain-marie next to the ice cream selections, so I wandered over. My taste buds were dripping in anticipation, this should be good, I'll leave this picture quite large so you too can "admire" this dish....

choc raspberry

1 iron ore train out of 10



Wait, what? That is chocolate pudding? Are you sure they didn't just leave out the morning's scrambled eggs, littered with sausage pieces, until it went brown? And then someone sneezed on it?

I am quite fond of the little face though, made with two yellow snot eyes, a "raspberry" sausage nose and a little indentation mouth. It looks as puzzled as I feel.
Kirsty said…
What I find most surprising about this review is that The Wet Mess somehow managed to get a 1. Was that based solely upon the fact that you are still alive?
stu said…
Conor, don't get me started on the actual scrambled eggs. That looks better

Kirsty, I declined to mention the glass of lemon barley cordial I had with my dinner, for that a point was awarded
Anonymous said…
That be man's man food , not this man thou .
looks like chocolate custard powder garnished with dog nuts , spew
here ya go try a krispy kreme burger
Gregoryno6 said…
The Desp. said…
Isn't the wet mess the bar?

I feel your pain, although I've just got back from the Pilbara and our food was pretty bloody good. Small camps are better maybe? I had a mate out at Marandoo a few weeks back and they had oysters and moreton bay bugs!
stu said…
ahhh I wrote dry mess at the start of the piece and wet mess in the fake urbanspoon pic, meh, I can't be arsed fixing it lol

you're 100% right, small camps are much much much better, I've had prawn and crayfish BBQ's at small camps, with pate, brie and smoked salmon nibbles after work....good times ;)