I used to drive a taxi/cab. Why? I often ask myself that, it was a shitty job, but it got me through 2 years of university, so it served a purpose. I was telling a few stories from those days to a friend recently and it got me thinking that I should write these stories down before I forget them.

Sticky notes

Driving a taxi sadly goes hand in hand with verbal and at times physical abuse. I was lucky, lucky that in the two years that I drove a cab I was only ever actually physically attacked the one time. A couple of times I got involved in a confrontation but for the most part I came through unscathed. Verbally is another story all together.

Most of it was drunken gibberish, offers to "Fight for the fare, I win I don't pay, you win I pay double". Not sure the sanity in that challenge but it happened from time to time. Towards the end of my time I started to stop accepting the verbal and would stop the cab and throw them out, enough was enough, I didn't need their money that badly. Well I did really but I just wasn't prepared to accept it anymore.

I'd pulled up at the Subi Hotel rank and 6 people started to climb in, I had to explain to them I could only take four and another cab would be along soon enough or as they were only going to Shenton Park I would be coming back soon anyway. They agreed and two jumped out, we cruised up Rokeby rd without incident and then I heard ....

"Thanks for leaving my friends behind you c#nt"

I stopped the car straight away and asked him what he'd said, although I'd fully heard, I just wanted to make a point. He declined to repeat it so I jumped out of the car, opened his door and told him to get out. Now this was a brilliantly stupid thing to do as I'm now out of the taxi which means I'm away from my panic button (they all have one) and more than an arms length away from my torch which was in reality a baton and my first line of defence.

"You can get out and walk mate, the rest of you can stay, he walks"

Upon hearing this his friends quickly changed their tone from "He didn't mean anything to get out" Ha, nice friends. So get out he did, all 6 foot 5 of him, man this dude was huge, I was seriously screwed right now. Thank god he was a docile giant who meekly accepted his punishment and started walking home. I got away with that one

Other times I've put up with the abuse, two instances stand out large, although separate fares they share a common theme. Guy # 1 I'd picked up at the casino and Guy # 2 wanted to go from Northbridge to Spearwood .

Guy # 1 was a jerk, pure and simple, he talked to me like I was a lowly scum taxi driver with no future and all he could brag about was how much he'd won at the tables that night. He even showed me a fist full of fifty dollar notes and then proceeded to tell me loudly that I had probably never seen and probably wouldn't ever see that much money again.

Guy # 2 was just an arrogant arsewipe who for the entire ride to his home spoke about woman and how they were just whores and bitches and how he had so much money from his concrete business that all chicks only ever wanted him for was his money (pretty sure it wasn't for his pleasant personality) "I can get any woman I want mate, I just can't trust them, cos they're whores and they just want your cash" When I declined to agree with him he quickly determined that I was just a wanker who loved whores and bitches.

Now Guy # 1's fare was around $55 and guess what he paid me, yep exact fare, he peeled off one of the crisp fiddies from his fist sized pile of fiddies and threw it at my lap along with the exact remaining amount of the fare. Not even a dollar in tip and after all the shit I had taken from him and listened to he wasn't even prepared to tip my poor useless never amount to anything arse.

Guy # 2 finally had me pull into the driveway of his two storey brick and tile mansion in Spearwood and thrust 2 x $20 bills at me to pay his almost $40 fare. Again no tip and he waited for his coin change. I guess he was still making payments on those huge wrought iron fences. He needed it more than I.

Now for the common theme. If you win at the casino and if you go to an ATM before you line up for a cab in Northbridge chances are you will get crisp brand new notes. Guess what crisp brand new notes do when they're crisp and brand new. They tend to stick together. I will say with all honesty that I considered calling Guy # 1 back once I had realised that his fifty was in fact $150, but as I looked up at his large body weaving across his front lawn I could clearly see that he was flippin me the bird. Nice tip, cheers. I can also honestly say that I disliked Guy # 2 so damn much that I never ever considered calling him back once I realised I had $80 not $40 in my hand.

The moral of this story peeps is always be nice to your cabbie.....oh and really really check those notes when you go to pay.

You can read the other stories in the series so far by clicking the taxi cab confessions link under 'my essays' in the sidebar


Stella said…
I love your taxi cab confessions!

I had no idea about taxi tipping etiquette. I never took cabs in Perth and seeing as Australia does not have a tipping culture, I suppose I wouldn't have thought it was necessary and your tip was all in the fare.
Stu said…
I'm glad you like em :)

Nah tip is always on top, the cost to rent the cab and all the fuel comes out of the fare, whats left is the cabbies.
Milly said…
Stu.. I googled your blog coz I wanted to see the giant jenga photo's! (seriously sucky pic of me by the way)

What about the cab ride where the chick asked you about poached eggs :) Thats my favourite.
Stu said…
hahah I dunno, you look slightly rock and roll

hey just click tab on right under "My Essays" called Taxi Cab Confessions and you'll find the rest of em, Poachy story is number 2 in the series

Milly said…
Slightly? I'll take that as a compliment, I guess.
Stu said…
I think it's safe to say that we all only look slightly rock and roll these days hehehe
tiff said…
You need to get a book deal ... ASAP.
Stu said…
haha I may have used up all my good stuff already ;)
TaxiCabGuy said…
Haha nice - work!

I love your posts mate please keep it up!
Speaking of which, I am also a cabbie and posting a blog. Feel free to check it out at

All best,

stu said…
cheers mate, will be posting another story shortly.

And as soon as I get over my jet lag I'll be trawling your blog for some good reads